Just another day

Got my new computer today. It’s really cool! It is one of those tablet things with, the pen and touchpad. I can write or the screen. And it translates it to type. I’ll probably be playing for days to figure out all the bells and whistles! It also has Office 2007. That’s new to me. Again, really cool! I’m using OneNote to do this post, not sure what it’s all about, but I’m going to try to figure it out.

I missed work today. Spent most of the day laying on the couch with a horrible headache. Seems like a sinus headache, but it sure lasted a long time, even after Ibuprofen.

Birdboy was a brat today, turned over a Coke and a Gingerale. After the second spill, he decided he would rather be alone and stayed away from me for the rest of the day!

I didn’t purchase a case with the computer, so I’ve also been making a case. I’m using 3 strands of yarn and making a portfolio type case. When done, I’ll post pics. The pattern so far is: chain 44, then double crochet back and forth until it’s as long as the opened computer. After I get it as long as I want, I’m going to put handles on it and straps across to slide the computer under and hold it in place. I’ve also been making dishcloths. I’ve used walmart bags to crochet the center, then 100% cotton yarn to complete. The walmart bag is used as a built-in scrubby. I’ll post a picture of it and my laptop case when done.

Happy Birthday Joshie D!

I just got back from WV, a day with family and nephew’s 14^th birthday.  He is growing up so fast!  One of the pros (on my mental pros & cons list) of being alone is that I can take off whenever I want and go where ever I want.  That’s different and definitely cool!

Driving in WV is great, everything is so beautiful.  Then you get on the turnpike, otherwise known as, Interstate 77.  The road is horrible, you can tell as soon as you get on it because your car suddenly rides like an ATV on a gravel road and the lanes are not as wide as everywhere else.  What really trips my trigger is that you have to pay to drive on this road!!  For years, it cost $1.50 to get to the small town in WV where my family is.  If we were traveling to Charleston, the cost was more like $3.75.  So, I’m on my way today and, as usual, I have very little cash.  I arrive at the toll booth and they have raised the first toll from $1.25 to $2.00!  I asked the man if they take credit cards and of course, they don’t.  I finally found enough change to pay the man and asked how much the next toll was – another $2.00!  I didn’t make it clear that I was not going to Charleston, so, the toll at my exit was only $0.40 and I came up with that.  I know, there are a lot of toll roads that charge a lot more than $2.40, but, that road is HORRIBLE!  I cannot believe they even still have a toll, let alone raise it!

Wow, that was my rant for the day, I guess.  On a more positive note, mom had 3 kittens that are just ready to leave their momma.  I picked out mine.  I haven’t had a cat for 7-8 years and I really miss having one, but I’m not sure how my African Grey, Clint, will react.  He pretty much rules the roost around here.  I’ve worried about Clint getting hurt if I got a cat, but looking at how small that kitten is and how spoiled Clint is, maybe I should worry about the kitten!  I’m hoping my sister will bring it down next weekend and we will see how Clint handles an addition to the family.  I also get to come up with another pet name, that’s cool.

Another positive note – I looked out the window this evening and saw the most beautiful sunset!  I had to get some pictures.

It's Thursday!

When I started to post this, it was Wednesday, but my computer locked up. So instead of my Humpday post, this will be a little late! That's ok, I like Thursday too - only one more day til the weekend! Yesterday was a rough day anyway with no shows, car issues, etc. So, on to what's going on with me. . .

I’ve decided to take up photography. I’ve always had an interest in photography, but never had the money to get a nice camera, or the time to put into such a hobby. In an effort to get myself out of the house some (and away from issues described in previous posts), I purchased a Nikon D60 DSLR. Kind of expensive, but every picture I take is great!! A friend taught me some things about the camera and I’ve been playing since. I am learning about taking photos, but I think it would be hard to mess up with that camera! I’ve posted some of my pics, tell me what you think. This handsome man is my son, isn't he a cutie??

I am also trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up (at 43, the question is, will I ever grow up?). I really enjoy what I do, I work with kids who have problems – mental illness, family problems, poverty, etc. The problem is, while it is a very rewarding job, you don’t make enough to live on. I read an article the other day that said if someone was thinking of majoring in psychology they should have their head examined! Fine time to find that out, after the master’s degree! The conflict is that I really do enjoy being a therapist, but I’m not licensed and don’t really want to go into private practice and now that it’s just my salary, I’m always looking for more money. I’ve considered pharmaceutical sales, but it’s really difficult to get into those positions. I’ve also considered going back for a Ph.D. and doing therapy online, but I’m not sure there would be enough clients to make a living, besides the fact that to get a Ph.D. the colleges want you to attend full-time and they pay you a stipend (not enough to live on from what I can tell) or it costs a fortune to do it online. Oh, well, I’m open to suggestions!

Vacation

Ok, I’m still alive and getting stronger every day. Mostly now I’m dealing with anger, but that also leads to wondering why. Strange, because I know why.

Anyway. . . I went on vacation a couple of weeks ago. Alone. For some, that may not be a big deal, but this was my first ever alone vacation. I really enjoyed spending time on the beach and not worrying – “he doesn’t like the beach, I know he isn’t enjoying this, cannot spend too much time on the beach because he hates it.”

I arrived at the Cabana Shores in Myrtle Beach late Wednesday night and the first room had a leak, so had to change. The clerk was nice about it, but he was also ready to close the lobby. The second room was exactly like the first, had a fridge, coffee maker & balcony. No clock, which surprised me. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a hotel room without a clock. On Friday, a repair man showed up at my room saying he was told I had a leak and he was there to fix it. I told him it was the other room, but he found a leak in this room too! Anyway, I got the code for the internet (cannot go long without internet fix!) and, of course, that didn’t work. I did remember to bring my Verizon wireless broadband thing, so, it worked. Have you noticed that Verizon seems to work everywhere? Also, I had 3G signal on the AT&T cell. That was only the 2nd time I’ve seen that.

The first morning I got up, went to the beach, the pool and the mall. I ate at the mall as I haven’t yet been brave enough to go to a restaurant on my own. The second day, I was worried about the critters and wondering what I would do today. I spent most of the day at the beach reading and taking pictures. It was fun, but I’m hoping it will get easier and more comfortable each time I go somewhere. Saturday, I left Myrtle Beach and went to see my son in Santee. After hanging out for a while, I came home. The trip was very relaxing and hopefully, I’ll be more comfortable with being on each trip. Of course, the next trip will have to wait quite a while until I save up enough money again, LOL!

Rollercoaster

Each day I think I'm doing better, then I just meltdown. This evening was bad. I left messages but he wouldn't return them. Probably best. I want to do an autopsy on the marriage and it probably isn't healthy, but I have so many questions! I really appreciate the comments from readers and mostly I guess I'm doing ok. I've cried myself to sleep more nights than I care to count. Fridays are bad, that was when we were both home for the weekend (he worked nights & I work days). People keep saying it takes a long time to get over, I cannot imagine going through this as often as I am now. I guess work is helping, because I have fewer meltdowns through the week. Maybe I should get a weekend job too. I've been writing a letter to him. I think it's about 10 pages front & back now and still going. Hopefully, after everything is said and done I'll publish it. Looking back, I'm wondering if there was some mental illness because of the mood swings. Of course the letter I'm writing probably could have me put in a rubber room! His anger had been escalating severely, there was no physical abuse, but the anger was difficult to take. Well, my stress reliever, among other things, is a bath so I think that's where I'm heading for the 2nd time today. Write more later, hopefully on a good day!

Losing my mind

Ok, I called him today. God help me, just seeing him driving by made me feel better for a while. I guess he didn't realize that it took so long to get a divorce in Virginia. He probably already had a girlfriend, before he even left, so where does that leave me? I feel completely worthless and that no one would want me. My beliefs will not allow me to see someone else until the divorce is final, if even then. I feel like I'll never get over this worthless feeling, like no one will ever want me again. All he seems to be worried about is the house & money. In case you cannot tell by these very depressing post - it's been a really bad week! Make that a bad month!

It's been too long

It has been too long for me to be completely incapacitated today. I feel so pathetic. I have been working, only missed 2-3 days, which includes attorney, dr and therapist appointments. (had to have bloodwork done to make sure he hadn't brought something home to me.) Thank goodness I have over 150 hrs of sick time and 2+ weeks of vacation built up at work. I have been freaking out since last night. I cannot quit crying. Not sure why it is hitting me now. Shouldn't this have happened the first week? He walked out on February 28th. I continued to work and seemed to do a good job, but today I've cried all day. I'm tired of crying, I hate to cry. I was so sleepy last night and was almost asleep when my eyes popped open and then all hell broke loose, within me. I feel so pathetic. I know he's not having these issues, so why am I? He is doing probably exactly what his attorney told him to, why can't I? I just want to hear his voice or get some kind of response. I thought forever was just that . . .forever! I waited until I was in my 30s to marry, thinking that I would be mature enough to be married. God help me, I was the worst kind of wrong. I really feel pathetic, especially since he probably has someone else keeping him company and he's not even thinking about me, but yet, he's all I can think of.